TRUMP TELLS PENCE "NOT ENOUGH TRUMP MENTIONS"

PEN--  I'm here Mr President.
TMP-- Have you been counting my name mentions like we discussed.
PEN-- Absoulutely, sir. When we were with Birx and Fauci last time I spoke 358 words
           and squeezed in your name 79 times... roughly 21 percent.
TMP-- Let's get it up to 25 percent... make it 30!
PEN-- It will be hard sir, to construct a sentence if every 3rd word is President Trump.
TMP-- Piece of cake--- do one for me off the cuff... go on...lemme hear it.
PEN-- We have to thank President Trump because it was President Trump and only
           President Trump who walked into my office, which President Trump rarely does, and
I said, oh, Mr. President, how I can help Mr. President? And President Trump responded just like President Trump always does and then President Trump said, Mike... and I said, yes Mr President
and he said Mike.... and I said, right here Mr. President and he said, nice tie, and I said thanks Mr
President because your ties Mr President are, well Trump ties are beautiful and speaking of Trump ties, let's thank President Trump because who else but President Trump could form the amazing ties we have with China aside from President Trump and I tell Presient Trump every day, I say Mr. President, China respects the words President Trump because when they hear President Trump said this or President Trump suggests or President Trump wants-- well China gets it and understands that
President Trump means what President Trump says and that's what makes him President Trump.
TMP-- Not a bad start.
            

DYING, ONE COUNTY AFTER ANOTHER

TMP- Who the hell are you? Where's my doctor?
JOE-   I'm Joe and I'm replacing your doctor.
TMP- I'll bet that putz has the virus.
JOE-  You fired him Mr. President. You said science was total cow dung.
TMP- Right, right...he was a mouthy jerk... putz didn't trust me. What kind of doc are you?
JOE-  Oh, I'm not a doctor. No, no, I'm a cartographer.
TMP- Beautiful. Get me some real nice shots of all my golf carts...and get close-ups of my logo.
JOE-  Sir, a cartographer is a map maker. I draw maps of this country.
TMP- I have maps of all my fabulous golf courses. Beautiful courses. Best ever.  Why are you here?
JOE-  I know you like games. How bout we play a game?
TMP- I love games...as long as I win. Got it!!
JOE-  Yes sir, I got it. So let's begin.
TMP- Wait a second. Where's the ball, the puck, my golf cart...What are we doing here?
JOE-   I have these 10 long strings.
TMP-  10 strings? You need a hundred... you're a major Yo-Yo.
JOE-    Now, I place them all around and each represents a county...  you can't come into my county                and I can't come into yours, without permission or-- you lose the game!
TMP-  Whatta dumb game.Why would I want to come into your county? I'll just stay in my county---          which is hands down the best county ever,,, and you go wherever you want.
JOE-   You did it. You just said it!! Now, imagine you're the Corona Virus. Where do you go?
TMP-  Well, first I put on my red tie and then I go wherever I want!!
JOE-   Precisely! You are the Corona Virus and you don't stay in your county. You go                               WHEREVER YOU WANT and you cross county lines and state lines and country borders                   and spread your toxins like wildfire.
TMP- I get it. You're another science whacko. You want me to Lock Down and kill the economy.
JOE-   I am a simple map maker. And if I understand how flawed and dangerous this County idea is,
           why doesn't the President of this country... or maybe you don't care?  Time for me to go.
TMP- Hey...remember the rules..I win the game, right?!!
JOE-  God help us if you do.

PEOPLE WHO PACK CHURCH PEWS ON EASTER WON'T BE RESURRECTED

DOC- How are you feeling Mr. President?
TMP- Beautiful. The Market is flying higher and if we get people to follow my brilliant plan for
          Easter and fill those church pews my reelection is in the bag. Fantastic right?
DOC- Respectfully, I don't agree.
TMP- WHAT?? What the hell is your problem?
DOC- I think if you pack the church pews on Easter the only thing that's gonna be in the bag are
          bodies-- as in Body Bags. Listen to Fauci and the other scientists and keep up with social                    distancing and isolation.  Pack the churches and the death toll will spike like a shot.
TMP- First of all, the people who die are gonna be old farts who are on the verge of going bye-bye
          anyway. And whatever you think, I KNOW science is a pile of cow dung. And you don't
          understand my reason for picking Easter Sunday.  It's pure genius. How bout I tell you how                  I arrived at Easter.
DOC- I already know. I understand you. I know the way you think.
TMP-- You should be doing stand-up comedy.  Nobody is smart enough to know how I think.
DOC- Why Easter?  Simple-- Resurrection. I'll bet Jared brought you this. Prey on what most                         catholics take as the most emotional day of the the year. Fill the country's churches with
           people. If they die they die-- what's a life worth. Not much according to you, not much.
TMP- You're done Doc...Get out.
DOC- My pleasure.  You think you're going to rescue the economy and then draw a parallel between
          THE RESURRECTION and your resurrecting the economy. But the millions who died will
          if you'll pardon the pun, trump the gains in your precious stock market. You will live a long
         long time, Mr. President --- in people's nightmares.
         

Fauci Makes Trump Grouchy

TMP--  That little Fauci is really starting to piss me off. He contradicts everything I say.
             I say the Malaria drug will work and he says we don't know that because it only worked on                 one Italian guy named petridish.
DOC--  Fauci knows his stuff...the guy is really really smart.
TMP--  Not really....if he was really smart he would have invented Pizza. I think it's time to get
             him off the air... send him packing...maybe to Italy.
 DOC-- People will want to hear from him. He comforts them.
 TMP-- I comfort them. He scares them. Gives them every little fact, every little possibility. I think
             I'll say I want him to check onThe Pope. The Catholics will love that. My approval rating
             could go up 5 points.
DOC-- You could make things worse for yourself. I hear Bezos is buying out a network and he's
            going to get Fauci to talk about the virus from 6AM til midnight. Gonna call it, and this
            is just brilliant---CORONATION.
TMP-- WHAT!!! Tell me that's not true. Tell me it's just a rumor. I was just about to announce an end              to the quarantine. Get people outta the house living again. The Market needs that bad!!!
DOC-- Fauci thinks that will make things much worse---spread the virus even faster. So it seems
            you have a choice. Raise the Market numbers or raise the virus numbers.
TMP--  Holy crap. That's a tough one isn't it?
DOC-- Not really.

Trump Shouts, "Not My Fault!"

DOC-- Mr. President, your blood pressure is quite high.
TMP--  I'm pissed... that federal judge says I can't eliminate the Food Stamps Program.
DOC-- Well, eliminating food stamps could have some really bad consequences.
TMP--  Really...like what?
DOC--  700,000 people could starve.
TMP--  Numbers shnumbers...just tell me the bad consequences.
              I wonder how they taste.
DOC -- How what tastes?
TMP-- The food stamps, putz. They can't be as good as a Whopper. But a lot of people are eating                    them so they must be good.  I gotta taste them.
DOC-- Mr. President these are stamps...stamps!
TMP--  Jesus, did you really go to medical school... they're FOOD stamps...ever hear of food?
DOC-- They have zero nutritional value...zip, zilch, zero.
TMP--  Just like a Whopper. Hand me the phone.
Chef--  How can I help Mr President?
TMP-- Send me up 9 dozen food stamps...3 pork, 3 beef and 3 shrimp.
Chef-- Not sure I heard you, Mr President. Sounded like you said you want 9 dozen food stamps.
TMP-- You got it.... don't forget the ketchup and relish, and lots of hot sauce.
DOC-- Mr President, the 700,000 people getting food stamps don't eat them.
TMP-- That's why they look like scarecrows.... not my fault, right?
DOC-- Nothing is your fault.
TMP-- Hey...maybe I replace MAGA with Not My Fault. I can hear the chant... 15,000
           chanting Not Your Fault...holy shit I really love it. It's perfect for the bullshit blame
           they are throwing at me every day for that fuckin' virus. Picture me out there in front
           of the Trumpers.... I shout- THEY HAD NO VENTILATORS and the crowd shouts back-
           NOT YOUR FAULT.... I shout- THEY HAD NO MASKS and they shout back-
           NOT YOUR FAULT.... and I keep going through all the stuff the doctors and nurses didn't get
           and the crowd keeps shouting-- NOT YOUR FAULT, and finally I shout loud as hell--
          8 MILLION DEAD and they scream like wild banshees and just keep screaming . . .
          NOT YOUR FAULT....NOT YOUR FAULT. Can you imagine it??
DOC-- I really and truly wish I could, but, it's simply unimaginable.


         

Drawing Dogs (from 2016)

       

               










 

TRUMP GETS RESULTS OF VIRUS TEST FROM HIS DOCTOR

DOC-- Mr President your test results are back
TMP-- Putz, I never  took the test...we just told everyone I did
DOC -- Actually, you did take the test. Pence thought it was important. So we swabbed your nose and throat when you were asleep.
TMP -- Fucking traitor. He's done.
DOC -- Mr. President, the test came back positive.
TMP -- I think what you mean is, you're postive the test came back negative.
DOC -- No, the test was positive.
TMP -- Dr. Dope, listen to me. I'm never wrong. I'm TRUMP. Remember when you said I was the healthiest seventy-year-old on the planet?
DOC -- Yes, you threatened to send me to Guantanemo.
TMP -- Okay, we have to make a small change.
DOC -- It's too serious. I'm not going to lie.
TMP -- It's not a LIE. It's like a game.
DOC -- What??
TMP -- Positive is eight letters. And, so is Negative. So, it's like a word game.
You just take out P-O-S-I and swap in N-E-G-A. I didn't know Positive and Negative were both eight letters. Ivanka told me.
DOC -- You're asking a doctor to lie.
TMP -- I never ask. I'm TRUMP.
DOC -- So, I'm going to be telling the world your test was . . .
TMP -- BEAUTIFUL. It was a BEAUTIFUL test,  BEAUTIFUL results. Perfect.
DOC -- You could pass this on. You belong in quarantine. I'm standing here talking to you in a Hazmat suit. Thousands of people could be infected, all coming from you.
TMP -- Only two numbers matter. The Stock Market and my golf score. Tell them to set up a meeting with Pelosi this morning.
DOC -- You could give her the virus.
TMP -- Breaks my heart. 

Off to CMCA 2018 Biennial Competition

Red Haired Boy with Green Plastic Nose. 19 x 15 inches. Pastel plus plastic plus tape. $700

Depressed Man. 30 x 24 inches. Pastel on paper. $1300 framed.

Downtown Minneapolis Before Prince Died. 30 x 24 inches. Pastel on paper. $1300 framed.

It Was Just Too Painful to Keep Silent. 19 x 16 inches. Oilstick on wood. $700

Angels Suddenly Appear Out of Nowhere. 19 x 17 inches. Pastel on paper. $600

Prozac and Depression Go to War. 17 x 16 inches. Pastel on paper. $550

I Am Dog Man. 25 x 19 inches. Pastel on paper, collage. $750

Face of a Migraine Headache. 17 x 15 inches. Pastel on paper. $550

Escape From Depression for 2 Hours, 19 Minutes. 24 x 18 inches. Pastel on paper. $650

Life Running in Circles. 9 x 20 inches total. Oilstick on canvas. $700

2 Depressed Men

Excerpt from my novel in progress about depression, tentatively called "All the King's Men"

As I made my way deeper into The Noonday Demon, I came to a place where the learned Andrew Solomon and I had a slightly different perspective. It’s his belief that “the opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality.” It’s easy to see why he arrives at his conclusion when sitting up in bed is tantamount to climbing Everest. What’s lost to depression is gone forever. You don’t get to double down in hopes of regaining it. The loss of vitality, especially over a long period of time, frequently leads to the loss of hope. With the will to live right on its heels. This is especially true when major depression is Treatment Resistant and repels everything you throw at it in effort to slow it down, if not eviscerate it.   

For me, nothing was more depleting, defeating,  deadening and heartbreaking  than the loss of my Emotional Arc. That 180 degree span that runs from the mountaintops of joy to the dark dungeon of despair is forever eradicated and replaced with an arc that runs from 3 degrees to, if you’re truly lucky, 45.  Four seasons become One. They are not compressed into One, because that would suggest there are vestiges of all the seasons in lesser amounts.  Never again will you embrace  the soothing warmth of a Summer sun, the smile that seems to come as if by request, with a gentle Spring rain, or the stunning poetry found in the changing colors of Fall leaves. For you, one season lives on INSIDE your heart and mind. You won’t be needing skis, sled, boots or mittens as you live minute to minute enduring the killing cold and endless brutality of the one season that remains. The Siberian Winter that is now your life.      

End of year message from Lori and Jeff

(written by Jeff, so don’t blame Lori, aka Lady Sweetness)

I have strong feelings about everything. Yes, that includes tofu, email, and having my 1-ply toilet paper roll over, not under. For the record, 52% of Americans now use some form of Wet Ones. Much as I have great affection and even LOVE for some of those folks reading this, the truth is I hate getting these Novellas at year end telling me what went on during the year… when the people sending them have stayed out of touch for a year. It’s akin to watching Episode 43 of Game of Thrones with no insight into what came before it. Anaxamander just turned three and is wearing clothes for a boy age 5. Great. Who the hell is Anaxamander? We didn’t know you had another child, especially one named after a Greek tile pattern. And the dog, named Ficus got so excited seeing the new pony we got for Bridget (who is THAT?) peed on the pony and now they are enemies. Okay, that makes me sad, but I will get over it. Fletch got a promotion and is now the Head of Lettuce at our local market. He is happy but resents the Head of Cabbage who makes 33 cents an hour more. Speak up Fletch! Then we read that a couple having a new child battled for months over the new name and the child is now 2 years old and called Baby Flossensteiner. I like it. Moving on and I’m sure you can’t wait, these tales from out of nowhere appear in our mailbox without stopping. My response upon opening them and seeing the length and depth of info communicated is to feel my AFIB racing and the need to reach for another Xanax and search for a bookmark. Hemingway wrote shorter books than this. I wish I were kidding but my sense of humor has vanished over night along with my false teeth. Okay—chord change. Most importantly, Lori was diagnosed with melanoma, had surgery in June and Thank God (I do pray nightly) is now free of Cancer. Frequent check-ups needed for a year plus ongoing observation at home. She still works at Primo and loves it and loves them—her other family. Our 42 year old daughter Zoe gave birth to a boy, Sydney, who is as beautiful as his mom.  His dad, Rupert, looks like young Omar Sharif so this is one good looking kid. It seems he has my big eyes and full bottom lip, but I plan to ask for them back. Igby our dog who is 13 or 14 just marches on despite being deaf, almost blind and has no sense of smell, but still signals to me when I need a shower. My Uber Dark Depression is now 41 years old—nuff said.  Lori has great affection for everyone receiving this and a Big Love for so many of you. I like a handful of you and Love 5 or 6 of you but sincerely pray for All of you every night. Focus on your health and try to tap into your spiritual side (I had to rent one). My Biggest Gripe from a list of 94 is that we communicate with one another as if it were the 12^th century. Texting and email is one step removed from writing a message on a piece of paper, putting it in the talon of a bird and sending it on its way. The human voice is a unique instrument. Not hearing a person’s voice or looking them in the eye is bad for the brain and the soul. More than my opinion, it’s neurologic fact. You don’t have to talk to Me, but give it a try with those you care about. Make the most of every day and accept that Life is a continuous series of gains and losses.  When it comes to Loss, what I say to Lori is this:

IF IT ISN’T ALIVE, IT DOESN’T MATTER. 

(IT DOESN'T)

A MUST-VIEW! Take the time to absorb the full portfolio of Captured: America in Color from 1939-1943 – Plog Photo Blog

Captured: America in Color from 1939-1943 – Plog Photo Blog

OBAMA TEAM SENDS IMPOSTER TO DEBATE

2 WEEKS BEFORE THE DEBATE, THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE TOOK PLACE  IN THE
OVAL OFFICE. THE PRESIDENT MEETS WITH HIS ADVISORS... PLOUFFE, JARRET AXELROD, MESSINA, GIBBS.

Obama: I asked for ideas so I don't have to go debate the alien... whatta we have?
Plouffe: I think we should send the girls... when Romney offers to bet them 50 thou,
              the election is OVAHH!.
Obama: My kids are busy with important stuff... they entered a cookie bake.
Gibbs: I called Bill Gates and asked if he could make a talking cardboard cutout?
Axrod: That's not bad... it'll come off at least as real as Romney. We can control your
             responses from off-stage. In fact Buffet wants to operate the controls.
Jarret:  I say we send Sharpton... they think all blacks look alike...they won't even notice.
Gibbs:  Sharpton wants 2 million to shave his moustache.
Mesna: Professor Eric Dyson is really fuckin' smart... scary smart.
Obama: I doubt he can drop 110 pounds in 2 weeks.
Gibbs:   Even if we waterboard him?
Plouffe: I'll call Rumsfeld... for 20 grand, he'll tell me.
Axrod:  Okay, before you jump on me, let me finish. We send GINGRICH.
             We get the first question... no matter what it is, Gingrich says, "Romney is
             incapable of telling the truth. The man is a psychopathic liar!
Gibbs:  Romney will say, You're not President Obama!!!
Axrod: Of course... and Gingrich says, see, THAT's what I'm talkin' about !!!!!!
Jarret:   If only Sammy Davis were still alive.
Obama: Oh shit...that would be awesome. 20 minutes of impressions followed by 20 minutes
              about the Rat Pack followed by Sammy sings Broadway. Are we sure he's dead?

AXELROD OPENS ENVELOPE AND POURS 50 PLUS POLICE PIX OF MEN
WHO MAKE THE HELLS ANGELS LOOK LIKE PAUL REUBENS.

Plouffe: Family picnic photos?
Mesna:  Who the hell are those guys?
Axrod:  They're savages incarcerated in prisons all over Europe.
Jarret:  What did they do?
Axrod: Who the fuck knows. Bain bought their companies and they all got fired.

OBAMA PICKS UP A PHOTO.
Obama: Whoa...this guy could be my brother... does he speak english?
Gibbs:  He graduated Stanford with Rachel Maddow.
Obama:  Send him in my place.
Mesna:  He's killed 60 people... he could kill 60 more!!!
Plouffe:  I like it... make sure McConnell and Cantor have front row seats.
Gibbs:   What's his incentive? 
Obama: Just show him the "47% video."
















 

WARREN TURNS BROWN BLACK AND BLUE

I watched the Brown-Warren debate last night, and came away feeling Brown was much too soft
on Granny Glasses. Any of you who know me are familiar with my Bronx background and know I've been in a handful of fights and seen my share of spilled blood... none of it mine. I ended fights pronto by squashing my opponent's carotid artery and watching pass him out. Alive, but not ready to party.
With that picture in mind, imagine how many times I flew out my chair when Brown had a chance to land a Lights Out Shot and chose to let Lady Prof down much too easy.
I mean, when he said, "I'm not one of your students, Professor, so let me talk"... I started screaming,
"VIC MORROW, VIC MORROW... BLACKBOARD JUNGLE the bitch."
Why the hell didn't he pull out his box-cutter, lay it against her throat, contort his face and whisper,
Teach... I'll bet you're gonna be hard to hear without your tongue. He does that and believe me, it's
Game, Set, Match! So what does he do? He blows off a few audience BOOS and responds to her.

That is NOT the way a REAL BULLY earns respect. This guy has been to war, and if he didn't learn Krav Maga, a place 2 minutes from the guy in Boston teaches this unique form of martial arts.
Sweep The Leg... Palm Strike...let's stop playing Ping Pong here. Come on, Brown,
you're a veteran and an officer in the National Guard and you're really gonna spend an hour
parrying endless verbal thrusts and accusations being hurled at you by this grandma straight out of
Little Red Riding Hood. Oh no! She just nailed you good. She called you out. You really are asking for money on your website saying, " ....and help me defeat the Obama agenda." You've repeated
the term INDEPENDENT 45 thousand times and you put that on your website... AND THEN 
you blew the chance to turn the tables by saying... I smell a hacker here... it's no coincidence that
Little Harriet Harvard here knows all these computer braniacs...oh yeah, I smell a hacker.
What's the deal? Oh I get it. Let her gain some ground and she has farther to fall when you pounce.
Wait!! Did you just say Scalia was your numero uno Supreme?  Gregory asked you to name ONE and you named four. When did this become Sesame Street? Before you go for a colonoscopy,
you better know the difference between ONE and FOUR. And stop with the Geronimo stuff.
He was a noble and great warrior AND people really liked Tonto. This is NOT going well.
To my eye, granny is kicking your ass. I think I'll vote for her. She's better than you. In every way.




 

THE JOYS OF PERSONHOOD

So I was mugged the night before and I'm now standing in a police station awaiting a Line-Up.
The date is April 27, 2013 and Paul Ryan is the VP of the USA.

LT. SNOW--- (to me)  Don't worry...they can't see you.... one-way glass.

A Parade of 6 possible suspects are brought in to the room.  They are so small that the word
"small" no longer has any meaning in human parlance. Same for minuscule.

CAPT. FOX--- VP Ryan has heard about this and is none too happy.

WOLFF--- I just remembered... I forgot to send him a birthday card. If you see him
                  please tell him the new parts for his head are still in Phase 1.

I AM HANDED SUPER HIGH POWERED MAGNIFYING GLASSES AND PUT THEM ON.

WOLFF--- Why are those men standing behind the 6 suspects holding the numbers 1 thru 6?

CAPT. FOX--- Makes it easier to see them... after all, the suspects are only single CELLS.
Pretty hard to see even with those glasses. So just call out a number and the man with that number
will step forward holding the Petri Dish.

WOLFF--- May I request they all be brought 10 feet closer....right up to the one way glass.

FOX and SNOW see no problem in this and respond to my request.

SNOW--- Is that better?

WOLFF--- Can you see them? THE CELLS, NOT THE PETRI DISHES?

FOX--- You nuts. I could sooner see a spider devouring a fly on Mars.

WOLFF--- Do any of the suspects have "priors"?

SNOW---  Can't tell you which one, but one of them was implicated in
what we Used To Call RAPE.  Of course, Rape no longer exists... Ryan cleared that up.

WOLFF--- Can you ask Numbers 2 and 5 to speak and say the following... "Hand over
your wallet. Gotta get me some peanut butter and I'm talkin' real crunchy." I'm sure
I'll recognize the voice... no doubt about it.

SNOW AND FOX ARE SPEECHLESS.

FOX--- Mister...you feelin' okay?  THESE ARE SINGLE CELLS. They don't walk, talk,
eat ice-cream, ride bikes, rescue shelter pets, bake cookies, cry when sad, drive cars,
or help old people cross the street........ Get it?!!!!

WOLFF--- Oh, I get it........ you don't get it.  These Cells are PERSONS. So, if 7 men holding
7 test tubes, each with a single cell is standing on an elevator that, by law, can hold no more
than 14 people, could you get on that elevator?

FOX SCRATCHES HIS HEAD.

FOX--- Well, there'd be a ton of room... but technically....
WOLFF--- You'd be breaking the law. Now, let's go to the movies....you like movies?
SNOW--- I'm a regular Freak! Saw Gladiator 12 times. My name is Maximus Des...
FOX--- Shut it, Snow.

WOLFF--- Let's say the movie theater can LEGALLY hold 1200 people and 1000 buy SINGLE tickets.
One man has with him 200 test tubes of single cells......remember, these CELLS are PERSONS.
The man in the ticket booth sells 30 more seats and you arrest him. Is that a legal pinch?

SNOW--- I say Yes.
FOX--- Shut it, Snow.  (long pause)  I'd say it's legal, but the whole theater is empty...
so it's REALLY FUCKIN' DUMB!
SNOW--- (LAUGHING) but you voted for these guys, Fox. (He glares at Snow)
FOX--- So did you asshole..... and since your wife uses an IUD, she's guilty of murder!
SNOW (shocked)--- Murder!!!!! That's a joke, right? Gotta be a joke.
WOLFF--- You see FOX laughing?
SNOW--- Tens of thousands of women use IUD's... they all guilty of murder?
WOLFF--- Are they Fox?
FOX--- (looking down and barely audible)  By law, they are.

WOLFF--- Guys, we could do this all night and all year. It doesn't matter if you're blinded by hate
or a rare disease. Blind is Blind.  Now, Wet is Dry, Up is Down, and Compassion and Decency
have gone the way of the dinosaur. You guys spent 8 Friggin YEARS trying to prove a man's birth certificate was a fake and 8 Friggin MINUTES watching this nursery school vetting of the the next
president of our country. These guys, ALL OF THEM, should have been vetted down to their
bones. You wouldn't have been influenced by the color of their skin because it would have
been stripped off.  And there would have been no place for the lies to hide. You offer me
2 YEARS of TAX RETURNS and I tell you to "take em and use it as toilet paper...and
tell your story walkin'."

SNOW--- So, we screwed up?
WOLFF--- You tell me.  Just remember Maximus Desimus Meridius.
He wanted to take the power away from the Senate and turn Rome over to the people.
You probably wouldn't have voted for him, either.  How's that feel?

FOX--- What about the suspects?
WOLFF---Arrest the cell in Petri Dish 5. That horrible cologne is unforgetable.


  
  





























         

I HAVE TO FIGHT FONZIE?

I know what you're thinking.  He's on new meds and has hit a new low. Half right. I am on new meds but having already hit bottom,  a new low would really be revisiting an old low which means it wouldn't be new. Moving on. What I am about to tell you is true even if the folks who helped create the show Happy Days or played roles on the show deny it. You know I grew up in The Bronx as did the creator of the show I'm speaking of, as well as The Fonz, or at least the guy The Fonz is based upon, more or less. In fact, all the show's characters were based on real people and this I know because the kid who was like my younger brother, Sammy G, started to hang with them against my will and in spite of my concern for his survival. And that is not an exageration.  I am torn here as to whether to use the name of the guy The Fonz is based on, but I think I can put it this way just in case
he's alive. And if he was given LIFE instead of THE CHAIR, there is a teensy weensy chance he might have been paroled.  I think to be on the Safe Side, I'll leave off the last 3 letters of his last name. So, Arthur Fonzarelli's real name was Roy Drill---. He was not the kind of person who would help an old lady across the street. Throw her across, definitely... but help her across, not a chance.
Thinking about it, I think he would probably hit her with a baseball bat to see if he could get her from the south sidewalk to the north sidewalk without her touching the gutter. He would do it and lay odds to boot.
I remember Sam telling me Roy D was walking on the boardwalk and ambled up to a cop.
He asked the cop if he had the time and when the cop glanced at his wrist for a split second, Roy D
knocked him out with one punch. We're talkin' 1959 here people and you just did not fuck with cops
back then. And that was one of the more genteel things Roy pulled off.
So you see WHY Gary Marshall had to make a very, very slight adjustment in the The FONZ to turn him into a heroic and affable weekly character people welcomed into their TV sets and got the network to sign off on.   
OTHERWISE, we get an episode where THE FONZ pulls out a shotgun and blows Potsie's head off at Yankee Stadium for spilling the popcorn, heads over to The Cunninghams and chops off Marion's hands for burning the brownies, then stabs Mr. Cunningham in the chest 46 times, not because he chopped off Mrs. C's hands but because Mr. C tells him "the burn adds a little flavor FONZ you fail to appreciate."  Next thing you know, Ralph Malph arrives at the Cunningham home and is both shocked and unhappy when THE FONZ tells him to "bury Mr. C in the backyard
and clean up the blood in the kitchen."  Ralph says, "gee Fonz..." and in a microsecond a switchblade
has severed Ralph's tongue, which not only inflicts agony, but makes it impossible for Ralph to sing
as he was given to do, in any future episodes. Now Richie walks in, and viewing the horror, turns to
our favorite psychopath and quietly says, " I'm very disappointed in you Arthur and I want you to think about what you've done here." The tension builds and SUPER appears on TV screen...
WILL THE FONZ REPENT?   TUNE IN NEXT WEEK.

OH... I was maybe 4 days away from fighting Roy D to rescue my "little brother" from his
clutches, but if I remember right, he was arrested and got something like 7 years for
assault and battery on a cop. What IF there had been a fight? I see only 2 possibilities:
It would have ended in less than 30 seconds with me standing over Roy's limp body... limp because
I cut off his oxygen by ALMOSTcrushing his carotid artery...  OR my life would have ended in
a death so excruciating, the thought of it may force me to pass up a second lunch today.

A Little Depression Goes a Long Way.... DOWN

The four people who follow me here, feared I was dead.
At the same time, I feared I was alive.
As it turns out, my fear was justified.
When you battle Depression for 38 years, with few recesses in between,
lifting yourself out of bed makes an Olympic event comparable to playing Boggle.
Yes, there are freight cars of meds out there that in theory, will have you feeling like you want to climb Kilmanjaro twice a week. But I never found them despite trying every so-called panacea from Japan to Sweden to Russia and spending precious time with 18 mental health Hippocratic heroes.
The same is true for 70% of my fellow afflictees because the vast majority of those in pain are
non-responsive to these various magic elixirs. I've been told a person has more neuro-transmissions in a day than there are objects in the sky. What happens when they're one 10,000th of a second off course or fired too early or late? Beats my ass. EVERY FUCKING DAY.

For me, it comes down to this..........

THE TOUGHER THE DEPRESSION
THE LONGER THE FIGHT
THE HARSHER THE DEPRESSION
THE DARKER THE NIGHT

Keep punching, or if you're a Wolff....Keep Biting!

PIT BULLS, MY WIFE AND MARK HARMON

I love dogs. No, I adore them.
In fact, I believe they are hands down or paws down, the best creatures on this
or any other planet.  There was a time I could name every breed in the world on sight. This
includes the Cane Corso, Turkish Akbash dog, Komondor, Shiba Inu and you get the point.
This has become more difficult of late because too many people apparently cannot live without proving they are to be envied, aka, beating the Joneses at their own game.
Okay I want a Portuguese Water Dog .... BUT I want it to have humps like a camel.
Hmm... not my choice, but No Problem.
"Come back in a year and I will give you first choice of a litter of perfect PortuguCams. Web feet,
Humps and all."

KUDOS to the TV show NCIS. 
In a recent show, the main character, Gibbs, played by Mark Harmon says,
People don't understand PIT BULLS.  They are very affectionate, very loyal and fairly easy to train.    

I SADLY did not know THIS (despite my vast knowledge of canines) until 5 years ago when I heard my vet say, "in 20 years I've never had a problem with a Pit. They are very sweet and gentle."
Well, that was news to me. I had been drinking the Not To Kool Aid for too long and did not learn enough about the this breed.  My knowledge multiplied tenfold when my amazing wife started doing volunteer work for the WARL.... Worcester Animal Rescue League. I'd say 75% of the dogs they had for adoption were Pit Mixes and Lori got to know them all.  And grew attached to every one.
Like all dogs, they need to be evaluated.... some dogs just need to be the only dog in a home.

My wife and I have rescued our last 5 dogs.  I wish more people would do this rather than bow to their idealized image and go out and spend big bucks on some hybrid or pedigree breed. Yes, this will offend some of my friends who have taken this road, but if they have an image problem, AND they really care enough, they can dig up Siggy Freud.
Just Keep This in Mind.  Needing a German nameplate on your car is not in the same universe, not
remotely as consequential as putting your image above rescuing the life of an animal who in too many
cases faces certain death... for no reason other than it was originally owned by someone with a brain
composed of equal parts canned asparagus, chicken jerky and mucilage, married to the compassion level of Attilla The Hun.
I have made donations to more than 30 shelters thruout the country and heard stories that made
me sick to my stomach and question the human race.

In the meantime, let me know if you hear of someone who can mate a Hippo and Rottweiler.
I may drive a KIA, but if I have the first Rottopotamus,  the Country Club elitists will overlook
my Jewishness and will open their arms to me... and their doors to my Rotto.

ROMNEY CAN DO NO WRONG AND NEITHER CAN YOU.

If you watched the last CNN debate, you saw a Moment That Changed EVERYTHING.
John King asked a question and Mittwit Romney answered thusly:
"YOU get to ask the questions you want, and I GET to answer the questions I WANT."
Where the fuck was this guy when I was failing chemistry in college??
Okay....A STORAGE TANK HOLDS 440,000 GALLONS OF LIQUID.
THE TANK HAS 7 AREAS OF LEAKAGE, all 1/4 inch deep. the area widths have the FOLLOWING DIMENSIONS:
0.17CM 0.34CM 0.56CM 0.78CM 1.13 CM 1.67 CM 1.94CM...... IF the tank is now at
82.6% storage capacity, HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE BEFORE THE TANK IS COMPLETELY EMPTY?
How easy is that!! The correct answer is Bellingham Washington.

Some other correct answers are: Howdy Doody, a Shnauzer, Karl Rove, Macy's, A loin of pork.

Okay, let's do another one. WHAT are the fewest number of people and the fewest square miles

a community can have/be and STILL GET ASSIGNED A ZIPCODE?

You might want to think a little on this one... the answer might surprise you..

HMMM? I think I know it. It's Ringo Starr and...uh... Jarlsberg cheese, aged 90 days.

Damn I am smart. Let's look at some of your answers---

Tampons and a Mars Bar. That's right.

The 7 Dwarfs and George Costanza. That's right too.

Toasters and Organic Tofu. Also Right.

You gotta see the BIG picture here folks. Romney sees it.

It irks him and should irk (or vex if you like) everyone who is proud of this country,

that we have fallen behind just about every place in the world (except Moldova) in

Science, Math and the 6 dialects of Mexico. And only 2% of high school grads

could name the primary source for London Blue Topaz. That doesn't cut it.

But The Romster has solved the big problema in one swift brilliant move.

Fuck the question... YOU get to answer whatever you like AND you my friend are correct.

So before you vote next November, just... What? What did he say?

How could he not understand the question? Okay. He DID understand the question.

He DIDN'T understand his answer.

If you watched the last CNN debate, you saw a Moment That Changed EVERYTHING.
John King asked a question and Mittwit Romney answered thusly:
"YOU get to ask the questions you want, and I GET to answer the questions I WANT."
Where the fuck was this guy when I was failing chemistry in college??
Okay....A STORAGE TANK HOLDS 440,000 GALLONS OF LIQUID.
THE TANK HAS 7 AREAS OF LEAKAGE, all 1/4 inch deep. the area widths have the FOLLOWING DIMENSIONS:
0.17CM 0.34CM 0.56CM 0.78CM 1.13 CM 1.67 CM 1.94CM...... IF the tank is now at
82.6% storage capacity, HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE BEFORE THE TANK IS COMPLETELY EMPTY?
How easy is that!! The correct answer is Bellingham Washington.

Some other correct answers are: Howdy Doody, a Shnauzer, Karl Rove, Macy's, A loin of pork.

Okay, let's do another one. WHAT are the fewest number of people and the fewest square miles

a community can have/be and STILL GET ASSIGNED A ZIPCODE?

You might want to think a little on this one... the answer might surprise you..

HMMM? I think I know it. It's Ringo Starr and...uh... Jarlsberg cheese, aged 90 days.

Damn I am smart. Let's look at some of your answers---

Tampons and a Mars Bar. That's right.

The 7 Dwarfs and George Costanza. That's right too.

Toasters and Organic Tofu. Also Right.

You gotta see the BIG picture here folks. Romney sees it.

It irks him and should irk (or vex if you like) everyone who is proud of this country,

that we have fallen behind just about every place in the world (except Moldova) in

Science, Math and the 6 dialects of Mexico. And only 2% of high school grads

could name the primary source for London Blue Topaz. That doesn't cut it.

But The Romster has solved the big problema in one swift brilliant move.

Fuck the question... YOU get to answer whatever you like AND you my friend are correct.

So before you vote next November, just... What? What did he say?

How could he not understand the question? Okay. He DID understand the question.

He DIDN'T understand his answer.