TRUMP GETS RESULTS OF VIRUS TEST FROM HIS DOCTOR

DOC-- Mr President your test results are back
TMP-- Putz, I never  took the test...we just told everyone I did
DOC -- Actually, you did take the test. Pence thought it was important. So we swabbed your nose and throat when you were asleep.
TMP -- Fucking traitor. He's done.
DOC -- Mr. President, the test came back positive.
TMP -- I think what you mean is, you're postive the test came back negative.
DOC -- No, the test was positive.
TMP -- Dr. Dope, listen to me. I'm never wrong. I'm TRUMP. Remember when you said I was the healthiest seventy-year-old on the planet?
DOC -- Yes, you threatened to send me to Guantanemo.
TMP -- Okay, we have to make a small change.
DOC -- It's too serious. I'm not going to lie.
TMP -- It's not a LIE. It's like a game.
DOC -- What??
TMP -- Positive is eight letters. And, so is Negative. So, it's like a word game.
You just take out P-O-S-I and swap in N-E-G-A. I didn't know Positive and Negative were both eight letters. Ivanka told me.
DOC -- You're asking a doctor to lie.
TMP -- I never ask. I'm TRUMP.
DOC -- So, I'm going to be telling the world your test was . . .
TMP -- BEAUTIFUL. It was a BEAUTIFUL test,  BEAUTIFUL results. Perfect.
DOC -- You could pass this on. You belong in quarantine. I'm standing here talking to you in a Hazmat suit. Thousands of people could be infected, all coming from you.
TMP -- Only two numbers matter. The Stock Market and my golf score. Tell them to set up a meeting with Pelosi this morning.
DOC -- You could give her the virus.
TMP -- Breaks my heart.