I'd be lying if I said it was easy, but after much struggle I managed to gather the world's
greatest living and dead mathematicians in a small Farmhouse in the hills of Sienna.
You are no doubt familiar with Euclid, Archimedes, Newton, de Fermat, Einstein and Fibonacci.
Brahmagupta, Grothendieck, Noether, Eudoxus of Cnidus and the rest probably less so.
I told them only that the question I would pose was at the intersection of religious, mathematical
and political lines with worldly implications. Stupid of me because debates raged about how many
worlds there were and if there were worlds within worlds and if so, there were infinite worlds and
I SCREAMED... I'm from the Bronx... Shut the Fuck Up!!
After 30 seconds of silence, I took a deep breath and posed MYQUESTION....
"Okay... Rick Sansscrotum says NO NO NO to contraception and has 7 kids. He believes
God and Satan watch over us constantly, although Satan was seen recently at Pearl Vision
getting new frames, followed by lunch at Chipotle with Anne Coulter.
Here, my esteemed friends is where I stumble. Here is where incredulity rears its head.
In 21 years of marriage, how many sexual interchanges can we gather took place between
man and wife?
Blaise Pascal said, "If Mrs. S had a great bod, I'd do her every night, but then
only for 6 months as I am bored easily. And by the way, Man is a Thinking Reed."
Pythagoras said he believed we could arrive at the number using a Theorem.
Kepler and Leibniz almost came to blows over sauerkraut. Einstein asked if we
were filming a Reality Show. After 9 hours of argument, all agreed on the number 1300.
Okay, I said, let's go with 1300. SO....How did Rick and Mrs. Rick avoid
pregnancy yet again and again? No Launch of missiles? Possible... but not
1293 times. Withdrawal? Against Church Doctrine or as it says verbatim...
NO SHOOTING YOUR LOAD ON TO A PAPER TOWEL... but if you do
go with BOUNTY...and use the coupon.
Descartes (always thinking) captured the attention of all...
"We must ask ourselves this: WHAT does NOT qualify as a form of contraception. IF anything that represents an obstacle to fertilization, overt or otherwise, is a SIN, then once began, the couple
must see the act to completion." The group finding no flaws in this concept, nodded in agreement.
Fibonacci took a bite of an olive and rose to his feet.
"If fertilization took place just 3 percent of the time, this couple should have over ......."
"Me Thinks He Doth Protest Too Much" shouted a voice from the back. The group turned as one
and looked upon the young man recognized by none. "Sorry... my name is Skakespeare...
I stumbled in to the wrong farmhouse."
"Wrong farmhouse, right conclusion," I said. "Sanscrotum is FULL OF SHIT...
and probably has 137 kids!"
P.S. yes, I did consider abstinence as a possibility.
greatest living and dead mathematicians in a small Farmhouse in the hills of Sienna.
You are no doubt familiar with Euclid, Archimedes, Newton, de Fermat, Einstein and Fibonacci.
Brahmagupta, Grothendieck, Noether, Eudoxus of Cnidus and the rest probably less so.
I told them only that the question I would pose was at the intersection of religious, mathematical
and political lines with worldly implications. Stupid of me because debates raged about how many
worlds there were and if there were worlds within worlds and if so, there were infinite worlds and
I SCREAMED... I'm from the Bronx... Shut the Fuck Up!!
After 30 seconds of silence, I took a deep breath and posed MYQUESTION....
"Okay... Rick Sansscrotum says NO NO NO to contraception and has 7 kids. He believes
God and Satan watch over us constantly, although Satan was seen recently at Pearl Vision
getting new frames, followed by lunch at Chipotle with Anne Coulter.
Here, my esteemed friends is where I stumble. Here is where incredulity rears its head.
In 21 years of marriage, how many sexual interchanges can we gather took place between
man and wife?
Blaise Pascal said, "If Mrs. S had a great bod, I'd do her every night, but then
only for 6 months as I am bored easily. And by the way, Man is a Thinking Reed."
Pythagoras said he believed we could arrive at the number using a Theorem.
Kepler and Leibniz almost came to blows over sauerkraut. Einstein asked if we
were filming a Reality Show. After 9 hours of argument, all agreed on the number 1300.
Okay, I said, let's go with 1300. SO....How did Rick and Mrs. Rick avoid
pregnancy yet again and again? No Launch of missiles? Possible... but not
1293 times. Withdrawal? Against Church Doctrine or as it says verbatim...
NO SHOOTING YOUR LOAD ON TO A PAPER TOWEL... but if you do
go with BOUNTY...and use the coupon.
Descartes (always thinking) captured the attention of all...
"We must ask ourselves this: WHAT does NOT qualify as a form of contraception. IF anything that represents an obstacle to fertilization, overt or otherwise, is a SIN, then once began, the couple
must see the act to completion." The group finding no flaws in this concept, nodded in agreement.
Fibonacci took a bite of an olive and rose to his feet.
"If fertilization took place just 3 percent of the time, this couple should have over ......."
"Me Thinks He Doth Protest Too Much" shouted a voice from the back. The group turned as one
and looked upon the young man recognized by none. "Sorry... my name is Skakespeare...
I stumbled in to the wrong farmhouse."
"Wrong farmhouse, right conclusion," I said. "Sanscrotum is FULL OF SHIT...
and probably has 137 kids!"
P.S. yes, I did consider abstinence as a possibility.
