SQUARE WHEELS

Closing in on my 69th birthday, I no longer feel comfortable saying I can
give 99% of ad agency copywriters a 9 day head start on a 10 day assignment
and bring them to tears. However, if I lower that number to 93%, I like my chances.

Spinoza is over there in the corner nodding his head (he's there... I see him) and he
wants to frame my words somewhat differently. Go ahead SPINNY...
"my friend selects these numerals based not upon some hubristic fancy,
but rather upon 42 years of astute observation in which he played a major role...
and displayed a gift so rare we celebrate it still." Thank you my philosopher friend.
By the way, Spin is Jewish, so let's all wish him a Happy New Year. If I get my hands
on his brisket recipe, I'm Gold!  SHOW SOME RESPECT WOLFF. You're right.

Spinoza, one of the greatest minds in history was excommunicated for questioning the bible.
Even worse, he was on the "Do Not Invite List" issued by The Church. He died in 1677
allegedly of something like TB, but the folks on CSI say the 14 stab wounds didn't help.
I have no doubt he was murdered  for.... Using His Mind. The lesson here is clear. Don't Think!!
If you find yourself thinking, especially about fairy tales accepted as Universal Truths,
seek out a physician IMMEDIATELY and induce coma.

Okay, back to the point I want to make. Pick a profession... thoracic surgeon? actor?
sculptor? geologist? football player? Just pick one or five, or all of them... it doesn't matter.
No more than 3% of the people in any field you choose, are TRULY GREAT.
Think about what you do or something you love. It's sunday and maybe you're watching football.
How many of those guys out on the field are great? That's what I said... 3%.  I'm going to the movies
tonight. What percent of film directors, actors, cinematographers are GREAT? Correct.

So getting back to where I started,  it's possible (not probable) I may have slipped a bit and
fallen out of that magic 3%.
Either way, I feel driven to talk about Smart Car-- Dumb TV Spot.
SQUARE WHEELS ARE DIFFERENT BUT THEY DON'T ROLL
The Smart Car is not new. It is not the Fiat 500...which is new. If there's one thing
people could tell you about the Smart Car it would be this... if you get hit by this car,
you'll have to go to the hospital and have it removed! In short, it's short, or as 
I call it,  SMALL. Small, Small, Small, Small, Small.

So the people who were involved in this production, including the creators of the spot,
infatuated by their own cleverness, decided the ONE thing people had to be told is...
this car is small.  You know what's good about this.  It tells me just who to go to
for my SAVE THE RHINO  TVspot I need produced. Can you picture it?
23 different situations utilizing 33 cuts as we hear "SMALL" 33 times and then we cut
to a shot of the Majestic Rhino and someone says, "BIG".  Wow, I am moved.
"Honey... where's my checkbook?"

Crushes Through the Decades

Growing up, there was exactly one book in my house.
I already mentioned my mother's 5th grade education and her literary taste reflected it.
My father was in too much psychological pain to think about reading,
although my mother read him the riot act every night.
In our home we had an abundance of 2 things---
screaming and movie magazines. Annie Wolff was a very
attractive woman addicted to glamour. By the time I was 8, I was
reading Photoplay and every other Hollywood magazine out there.
I could tell you the name of just about every well known movie star, especially the women...
those stunning, lose yourself in their beauty somewhere they really exist women who determined
my taste then and forever. Thankfully, I managed to elude total superficiality
and my CRUSHES needed to blend many qualities, not the least of which
were humor, kindness, and smarts. And I knew them without knowing them.
I had and still have this inner mechanism that lets me read people as quickly
as you can read a fortune cookie. Okay, let's do it.

Suzy Parker was a stunning, super- stylish model who seemed to be
on every page of every fashion magazine in the 50's. But it wasn't until
she played Gary Cooper's 30 years younger, still in college love, that
she grabbed me by the eyes and heart and never let go. I still hear her voice
in my head.
Robin Wright has a beauty and kind of disguised fragility that really gets to me.
She also has a laugh and smile that transcend acting and this is on full display
in Message in a Bottle where her long horizon line of emotions shine through.
Joanne Dru is so feisty/sexy/ beautiful in Red River, I could not sit still
watching the film. Twinges and more twinges head to toe, with stops in between.
This film from 1948, which I saw in 1957, changed my life as I watched young Monty Clift
finally stand up to his pseudo-father, John Wayne. The lesson of my life.
The first time I saw Julia Ormond, I thought... okay, this is one of those
times when God gets to show people what he/she/ can do when he/she
wants to step it up... 20 thousand notches. It was 1994 and I saw her in Captives
and then Legends of the Fall. I kept hoping Brad Pitt as Tristan would find a way
to step off the screen and kill me with that bear gun and put me out of my pain.
I may be wrong, but I believe this britsh, theatrically trained actress chose to
downplay her sexuality. It backfired. She had it all... including my heart.
Zooey and Emily Deschanel are clear indicators we need to WORSHIP genetics 8x daily.
They must be lacking SOMETHING.... I'll get back to you when I find it.
Stana Katic is fluent in 9 or 10 languages, is interested in geology and astro-physics
and looks like THAT. If her next TV show is just her reading the back of cereal
boxes, I won't miss an episode... or the re-runs.
You read magazine lists in Maxim or FHM (I don't) and Eva Green is seldom there.
To the readers of these magazines I would like to inform you about two areas of medicine
you're clearly unaware of---- OPTHAMOLOGY and PSYCHOPHARMACOLOGY.
Improve your vision and get those neuro-transmitters firing and you'll feel alive. You may
even come alive. The entire James Bond franchise was rooted in finding the woman
who broke JB's heart. After 2 years of searching, they chose Eva Green. At it's core,
Casino Royale is a fabulous love story and Eva is tough and tender, sensual and smart.
A stunning walking R rated film who stole my heart as well as Mr. Bond's.
The first time I saw Jacqueline Bisset (other than photo) she was strolling down 3rd avenue in NYC
with her then boyfriend Michael. She projected an uber aura that hit me from a block away. I don't believe she's taller than 5'7'' but at that distance she seemed taller. She was wearing all denim, her hair  long and flowing 5 inches below her shoulders with a smile that could suck your brain out of your
head faster than a jet engine. I was waiting to go into one of the theaters on 60th street as she passed
me by. My new barometer in selecting a woman. This ensured I would always be single because
this woman, as it turns out, had everything I loved. She was smart, stylish, strong-willed, generous,
had a killer laugh and was declared by Newsweek magazine in 1977 as "the most beautiful film actress
of all time." Connie Nielsen is as close as we've come since.
By the way, I married in 1971. Beautiful, smart, fabulous british lady who stands 5'7'' and laughs a lot.
She was much happier after the divorce, even if she laughed a lot less.

No Followers

If I'm to believe the phone calls I received after my first post,
I'll never have any followers because my photo makes me
"look like a madman."

Okay, I could use some background music here.

I grew up in The Bronx 68 years ago. This pose, the body language and facial expression
you see here simultaneously support both Darwin AND Intelligent Design. What you see
in my photo evolved in what became by 1956, a survival of the fittest/toughest arena.
I was no smarter academically than my made it through the 5th grade mother. Even so,
I was bright enough to know a guy's nose was not supposed to be at a 90 degree angle,
most people have TWO ears. and a person is not born with a Tic Tac Toe
game carved into his forehead. Got it? The last thing I wanted when I got off the subway
anytime after sundown was... let's all say it together... followers.
Some habits die hard and some never die.
For the record, I had 4 fights. I never wanted to hurt anybody. NEVER. 
Put enough pressure on a guy's carotid artery and his arms tend to go limp
before he crumbles to the ground. No broken bones. No bleeding. No harm done.
My instincts and my actions have always been to look out for the people who struggle
to take care of themselves. In the streets, in the workplace, wherever.  Enough.
This is starting to sound like Henry Fonda.... "Wherever...............I'll be there."

Bobby S was my art director for 5 years at Grey Advertising. We were an awesome
twosome. We had great times together and spent half the day as if we were on stage in
The Catskills. We spent more time laughing than we did eating, and more time eating
than we did working. When you can knock out 8 great ads and TV spots a week,
the rules quickly evaporate.  There was a rule at Grey... we made up the rule.... if you
work until 7PM you can order dinner from any place you want. We didn't even abide
by our own rule. Around 6:30 we'd get on the phone and order a few filet mignons
and a bunch of baked potatoes from the old Manny Wolffs Steakhouse. I think
Smith & Wollensky has been on that spot since maybe 1976. We didn't do this with
any regularity, maybe every 6 weeks, but the bills were enormous.  One day Bobby
and I look up and Joel Wayne, the Exec CD is standing there looking more baffled than
angry. "Are you guys crazy... you can buy a car for this money." I said, "being carnivores
doesn't mean we eat cars." Bob says something like, "Those cloth seats give me
indigestion." Joel gets agitated... "what's the rule on this?" I say, "it's the 7PM rule."
"What the hell is the 7 PM rule?"  So we tell him. He stares at us in disbelief.
"Listen, go home at 4... go home at 3... go home at noon...but no more bills."
This doesn't have a happy ending. So I'll save it for next time.

It Starts Now

If you know me, then you know the only bad days I have are weekdays and weekends.
The rest of the time I'm a bundle of joy. One of my 18 shrinks said I was burdened by too much affect.
In retrospect, I think that was one helluva compliment. I laugh a lot and make a lot of people laugh.
It's a gift I don't take lightly. The only thing that beats it is having my face licked by my dogs and
the smell of baby powder. At this very second, 19 people reading this thought to themselves,
and the smell of a new car. To those people I sing, HEY YOU, GET OFF OF MY BLOG!

I could give you the symbols of a dozen stocks RIGHT NOW that will double in 2 years.
Not penny stocks either. Stocks trading between 14 and 51 dollars. I see numbers.
My wife and I go to the not so super market and throw 80 items in 2 wagons.
She looks at me as the stuff is being rung up and I'll say, 184 dollars and 28 cents.
BAM! Actual price (sounds like Bob Barker) 184 dollars and 93 cents. I'm usually within a buck
98% of the time. I was just fired after working 10 and a half years at an ad agency. Fired for the
first time in my life after 44 years in the business. And there were numbers I couldn't see.
I'm trying to see my severance pay and I see nothing. I guess my magic is gone...UNLESS...
No, no way. What kind of person would do that? Possibly Dick Cheney, but who else?
OH MAN, I STILL HAVE IT. THE MAGIC LIVES. I SEE NOTHING BECAUSE
I GOT NOTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!  And for a second there I was worried. What a relief.
Okay... stock tips for FREE.  

 I get these bullshit stock alerts 10 times a day......
" IN A COUNTRY WITH NO NAME IN A YET TO BE DISCLOSED LOCATION,
6 MINERS WORKING FOR A COMPANY WITH NO NAME AND NO CAPITAL
HAVE DISCOVERED A SITE WITH MORE POTENTIAL NATURAL GAS THAN
THE BAKKEN AND EAGLEFORD COMBINED."  But this guy knows. He knows the miners,
the country, the location, the zipcode, even the lunch special in the only place for 100 miles
that serves food. What a guy. Instead of buying the country and the site and naming them both
after his kid, he's gonna share with us. He's not like the guy who owns the ad agency.

What if in CASABLANCA, there's no Ingrid Bergman. Just Paul Henreid. There's Bogie
knocking back his 8th Jack D sitting with Sam at 3 AM saying, "of all the gin joints in all the world,
he's gotta walk into mine..."   I don't think the movie works. One Letter of Transit doesn't have
the same ring as "the LetterS of Transit" and you lose "kid" because Bogie can't say,
"here's lookin at you kid" to Henreid. I think the movie loses a lot. But that's me.