2 WEEKS BEFORE THE DEBATE, THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE TOOK PLACE IN THE
OVAL OFFICE. THE PRESIDENT MEETS WITH HIS ADVISORS... PLOUFFE, JARRET AXELROD, MESSINA, GIBBS.
Obama: I asked for ideas so I don't have to go debate the alien... whatta we have?
Plouffe: I think we should send the girls... when Romney offers to bet them 50 thou,
the election is OVAHH!.
Obama: My kids are busy with important stuff... they entered a cookie bake.
Gibbs: I called Bill Gates and asked if he could make a talking cardboard cutout?
Axrod: That's not bad... it'll come off at least as real as Romney. We can control your
responses from off-stage. In fact Buffet wants to operate the controls.
Jarret: I say we send Sharpton... they think all blacks look alike...they won't even notice.
Gibbs: Sharpton wants 2 million to shave his moustache.
Mesna: Professor Eric Dyson is really fuckin' smart... scary smart.
Obama: I doubt he can drop 110 pounds in 2 weeks.
Gibbs: Even if we waterboard him?
Plouffe: I'll call Rumsfeld... for 20 grand, he'll tell me.
Axrod: Okay, before you jump on me, let me finish. We send GINGRICH.
We get the first question... no matter what it is, Gingrich says, "Romney is
incapable of telling the truth. The man is a psychopathic liar!
Gibbs: Romney will say, You're not President Obama!!!
Axrod: Of course... and Gingrich says, see, THAT's what I'm talkin' about !!!!!!
Jarret: If only Sammy Davis were still alive.
Obama: Oh shit...that would be awesome. 20 minutes of impressions followed by 20 minutes
about the Rat Pack followed by Sammy sings Broadway. Are we sure he's dead?
AXELROD OPENS ENVELOPE AND POURS 50 PLUS POLICE PIX OF MEN
WHO MAKE THE HELLS ANGELS LOOK LIKE PAUL REUBENS.
Plouffe: Family picnic photos?
Mesna: Who the hell are those guys?
Axrod: They're savages incarcerated in prisons all over Europe.
Jarret: What did they do?
Axrod: Who the fuck knows. Bain bought their companies and they all got fired.
OBAMA PICKS UP A PHOTO.
Obama: Whoa...this guy could be my brother... does he speak english?
Gibbs: He graduated Stanford with Rachel Maddow.
Obama: Send him in my place.
Mesna: He's killed 60 people... he could kill 60 more!!!
Plouffe: I like it... make sure McConnell and Cantor have front row seats.
Gibbs: What's his incentive?
Obama: Just show him the "47% video."
OVAL OFFICE. THE PRESIDENT MEETS WITH HIS ADVISORS... PLOUFFE, JARRET AXELROD, MESSINA, GIBBS.
Obama: I asked for ideas so I don't have to go debate the alien... whatta we have?
Plouffe: I think we should send the girls... when Romney offers to bet them 50 thou,
the election is OVAHH!.
Obama: My kids are busy with important stuff... they entered a cookie bake.
Gibbs: I called Bill Gates and asked if he could make a talking cardboard cutout?
Axrod: That's not bad... it'll come off at least as real as Romney. We can control your
responses from off-stage. In fact Buffet wants to operate the controls.
Jarret: I say we send Sharpton... they think all blacks look alike...they won't even notice.
Gibbs: Sharpton wants 2 million to shave his moustache.
Mesna: Professor Eric Dyson is really fuckin' smart... scary smart.
Obama: I doubt he can drop 110 pounds in 2 weeks.
Gibbs: Even if we waterboard him?
Plouffe: I'll call Rumsfeld... for 20 grand, he'll tell me.
Axrod: Okay, before you jump on me, let me finish. We send GINGRICH.
We get the first question... no matter what it is, Gingrich says, "Romney is
incapable of telling the truth. The man is a psychopathic liar!
Gibbs: Romney will say, You're not President Obama!!!
Axrod: Of course... and Gingrich says, see, THAT's what I'm talkin' about !!!!!!
Jarret: If only Sammy Davis were still alive.
Obama: Oh shit...that would be awesome. 20 minutes of impressions followed by 20 minutes
about the Rat Pack followed by Sammy sings Broadway. Are we sure he's dead?
AXELROD OPENS ENVELOPE AND POURS 50 PLUS POLICE PIX OF MEN
WHO MAKE THE HELLS ANGELS LOOK LIKE PAUL REUBENS.
Plouffe: Family picnic photos?
Mesna: Who the hell are those guys?
Axrod: They're savages incarcerated in prisons all over Europe.
Jarret: What did they do?
Axrod: Who the fuck knows. Bain bought their companies and they all got fired.
OBAMA PICKS UP A PHOTO.
Obama: Whoa...this guy could be my brother... does he speak english?
Gibbs: He graduated Stanford with Rachel Maddow.
Obama: Send him in my place.
Mesna: He's killed 60 people... he could kill 60 more!!!
Plouffe: I like it... make sure McConnell and Cantor have front row seats.
Gibbs: What's his incentive?
Obama: Just show him the "47% video."
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