I know what you're thinking. He's on new meds and has hit a new low. Half right. I am on new meds but having already hit bottom, a new low would really be revisiting an old low which means it wouldn't be new. Moving on. What I am about to tell you is true even if the folks who helped create the show Happy Days or played roles on the show deny it. You know I grew up in The Bronx as did the creator of the show I'm speaking of, as well as The Fonz, or at least the guy The Fonz is based upon, more or less. In fact, all the show's characters were based on real people and this I know because the kid who was like my younger brother, Sammy G, started to hang with them against my will and in spite of my concern for his survival. And that is not an exageration. I am torn here as to whether to use the name of the guy The Fonz is based on, but I think I can put it this way just in case
he's alive. And if he was given LIFE instead of THE CHAIR, there is a teensy weensy chance he might have been paroled. I think to be on the Safe Side, I'll leave off the last 3 letters of his last name. So, Arthur Fonzarelli's real name was Roy Drill---. He was not the kind of person who would help an old lady across the street. Throw her across, definitely... but help her across, not a chance.
Thinking about it, I think he would probably hit her with a baseball bat to see if he could get her from the south sidewalk to the north sidewalk without her touching the gutter. He would do it and lay odds to boot.
I remember Sam telling me Roy D was walking on the boardwalk and ambled up to a cop.
He asked the cop if he had the time and when the cop glanced at his wrist for a split second, Roy D
knocked him out with one punch. We're talkin' 1959 here people and you just did not fuck with cops
back then. And that was one of the more genteel things Roy pulled off.
So you see WHY Gary Marshall had to make a very, very slight adjustment in the The FONZ to turn him into a heroic and affable weekly character people welcomed into their TV sets and got the network to sign off on.
OTHERWISE, we get an episode where THE FONZ pulls out a shotgun and blows Potsie's head off at Yankee Stadium for spilling the popcorn, heads over to The Cunninghams and chops off Marion's hands for burning the brownies, then stabs Mr. Cunningham in the chest 46 times, not because he chopped off Mrs. C's hands but because Mr. C tells him "the burn adds a little flavor FONZ you fail to appreciate." Next thing you know, Ralph Malph arrives at the Cunningham home and is both shocked and unhappy when THE FONZ tells him to "bury Mr. C in the backyard
and clean up the blood in the kitchen." Ralph says, "gee Fonz..." and in a microsecond a switchblade
has severed Ralph's tongue, which not only inflicts agony, but makes it impossible for Ralph to sing
as he was given to do, in any future episodes. Now Richie walks in, and viewing the horror, turns to
our favorite psychopath and quietly says, " I'm very disappointed in you Arthur and I want you to think about what you've done here." The tension builds and SUPER appears on TV screen...
WILL THE FONZ REPENT? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK.
OH... I was maybe 4 days away from fighting Roy D to rescue my "little brother" from his
clutches, but if I remember right, he was arrested and got something like 7 years for
assault and battery on a cop. What IF there had been a fight? I see only 2 possibilities:
It would have ended in less than 30 seconds with me standing over Roy's limp body... limp because
I cut off his oxygen by ALMOSTcrushing his carotid artery... OR my life would have ended in
a death so excruciating, the thought of it may force me to pass up a second lunch today.
he's alive. And if he was given LIFE instead of THE CHAIR, there is a teensy weensy chance he might have been paroled. I think to be on the Safe Side, I'll leave off the last 3 letters of his last name. So, Arthur Fonzarelli's real name was Roy Drill---. He was not the kind of person who would help an old lady across the street. Throw her across, definitely... but help her across, not a chance.
Thinking about it, I think he would probably hit her with a baseball bat to see if he could get her from the south sidewalk to the north sidewalk without her touching the gutter. He would do it and lay odds to boot.
I remember Sam telling me Roy D was walking on the boardwalk and ambled up to a cop.
He asked the cop if he had the time and when the cop glanced at his wrist for a split second, Roy D
knocked him out with one punch. We're talkin' 1959 here people and you just did not fuck with cops
back then. And that was one of the more genteel things Roy pulled off.
So you see WHY Gary Marshall had to make a very, very slight adjustment in the The FONZ to turn him into a heroic and affable weekly character people welcomed into their TV sets and got the network to sign off on.
OTHERWISE, we get an episode where THE FONZ pulls out a shotgun and blows Potsie's head off at Yankee Stadium for spilling the popcorn, heads over to The Cunninghams and chops off Marion's hands for burning the brownies, then stabs Mr. Cunningham in the chest 46 times, not because he chopped off Mrs. C's hands but because Mr. C tells him "the burn adds a little flavor FONZ you fail to appreciate." Next thing you know, Ralph Malph arrives at the Cunningham home and is both shocked and unhappy when THE FONZ tells him to "bury Mr. C in the backyard
and clean up the blood in the kitchen." Ralph says, "gee Fonz..." and in a microsecond a switchblade
has severed Ralph's tongue, which not only inflicts agony, but makes it impossible for Ralph to sing
as he was given to do, in any future episodes. Now Richie walks in, and viewing the horror, turns to
our favorite psychopath and quietly says, " I'm very disappointed in you Arthur and I want you to think about what you've done here." The tension builds and SUPER appears on TV screen...
WILL THE FONZ REPENT? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK.
OH... I was maybe 4 days away from fighting Roy D to rescue my "little brother" from his
clutches, but if I remember right, he was arrested and got something like 7 years for
assault and battery on a cop. What IF there had been a fight? I see only 2 possibilities:
It would have ended in less than 30 seconds with me standing over Roy's limp body... limp because
I cut off his oxygen by ALMOSTcrushing his carotid artery... OR my life would have ended in
a death so excruciating, the thought of it may force me to pass up a second lunch today.
I think we would have need a new theme song for the series.
ReplyDelete